A year ago, I was all the way across the globe in South Korea. I was miserable, depressed, suicidal. I was wishing for a toxic love to come back to me, I was counting the days until I could come back home and fix everything I felt needed to be fixed. I remember writing about it on a card, then put it on a lantern to send it down the Han river on New Years. This year, I am surrounded by people that really matter. I am home, yes I am finally calling Ottawa my home again. I am doing so much better, and even though I have much more recovery and healing to go through, I am happy. It is common for people to make New Year resolutions, but I gave up on that a long time ago. It never really worked for me and I didn’t really believe in it. This year though, I have thought about it carefully and I have decided to choose 5 things I want to work on, write them on this blog so that I have to follow them. I am hoping to go back to this post next year, and to see the progress I have made, and to see the success of sticking to them! Here are my 5 New Year resolutions:
Not wasting any more seconds thinking about people that don’t matter. I’ve realized that I spent a year being sad about people that I was friends with, but wasn’t as close to anymore. The thing is, these people never really made any efforts to keep me in their lives. The people I have lost in the past year are not losses to me anymore. They are a result of me growing up, or me realizing that they weren’t worth the time and care I invested in them.
Starting my workout routine. I used to exercise 3-4 times a week. It wasn’t much, just some stretches and some at-home exercises, but it definitely made a difference. It gave me more energy, more confidence, and definitely a stronger and better looking body!
Be more creative. Whether it’s through drawing, dancing, singing, making videos, or even photography, I want to put more time and effort in my art. It’s something I enjoy a lot, even if most of what I create is not public. It’s an escape from life that sometimes I do need, and instead of just laying in my bed when I’m feeling down, I will push myself to make something out of it.
Say “no” more often, without feeling guilty. I don’t know if it’s because I am a Libra, but saying no is hard for me. But I have decided that this year, I am choosing me. If I don’t feel like doing something, whether it’s doing a certain dance cover or going out, then I will just not do it. Simple as that.
Love again. I have recently started dating someone, after over a year of being single. Although I am being extra careful, I am excited to share my life with someone. He is aware of my past, my issues, and he has received many warnings. But we are both confident that we have something great ahead of us. I have not yet opened my heart fully to him, and doing so terrifies me, but I hope that when I do, he will accept all my love.