Random

Spring is coming

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Winter just ended recently, and with that end came the beginning of Spring. I don’t know why, but seeing the sun set in a clear blue sky, and smelling the air of evening freshness has been really tough. It brings back all the past memories since I met him. Not specific memories, but more of an overall feeling of pain, despair, emptiness, regret and sadness. 2 years ago I met him during the spring time. During this exact month. I fell head over heels and was the happiest I had ever been. The next Spring, I was leaving the country of my dreams due to depression and heartbreak, spent the season trying to win him back while hurting myself over and over again, physically and mentally. This Spring, although I have made immense progress, although I have a new loving boyfriend, I am apparently not healed completely. There’s always this huge pain in my heart when I see him, there is always the need to hurt myself when I look at my scars, there is always the tear-less sadness that washes over me. I am not ready for nights out, evening walks and fresh air. I don’t know if next Spring will bring me the same emotions, but I sure hope not.

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