Yesterday I turned everything off and started driving East. I almost made it to Montreal before I turned back. If it hadn’t been for my roommate needing the car, just how far would I have gotten? How many people would realize it if I left? Who would notice a difference? My roommate would, but that’s because we live together. How long would it take for people to notice my absence? Every time I sit behind the wheel and I feel the speed of the car, I wonder what it would feel like to crash into the incoming car, or the pole next to the road. Yesterday I drove to this forest and started walking in it. Alone. I watch a lot of shows in the likes of Criminal Minds, and I knew damn well how this could be my end. But I kept walking. It felt like I didn’t exist, walking along the trees, hearing the birds chirp and the leaves fall. At one point I just stood there, in the middle of the trail, crying, breathing, letting it all out. It felt good for a moment. But again, these moments are feeling like they’re not enough to keep me here. I disappeared, no one knew where I was. My phone was off for the day. I should have stayed there.


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