I just want to be normal. I’m sick of this roller coaster. I don’t want to be me. I don’t want to be what I am. I hate myself so much.
Yesterday I turned everything off and started driving East. I almost made it to Montreal before I turned back. If it hadn’t been for my roommate needing the car, just how far would I have gotten? How many people would realize it if I left? Who would notice a difference? My roommate would, but that’s… Continue reading Driving
I want to do it, but I’m scared. If there was a way to guarantee that if I did it, I’d still be able to watch over my family and loved ones, I would not hesitate at all. I want to do it, because I can’t anymore. Everything falls apart. I fall apart. A year… Continue reading Untitled
Last April, I met up with my doctor to get checked about my mental health. Like I said in a previous post, I have severe anxiety and severe depression. When he met me and we talked about it, he said that he was thinking of placing me in a psychiatric ward for my own safety.… Continue reading Stuck in a simulation
Winter just ended recently, and with that end came the beginning of Spring. I don’t know why, but seeing the sun set in a clear blue sky, and smelling the air of evening freshness has been really tough. It brings back all the past memories since I met him. Not specific memories, but more of… Continue reading Spring is coming
Yesterday was a big day. I have made so much progress recently, becoming stronger and happier with myself. Making the decision of leaving the Ottawa K-pop performance scene has been a hard choice; I don’t see my friends as often, I don’t exercise or dance every week. But by taking a step away from it… Continue reading No more
A year ago, I was all the way across the globe in South Korea. I was miserable, depressed, suicidal. I was wishing for a toxic love to come back to me, I was counting the days until I could come back home and fix everything I felt needed to be fixed. I remember writing about… Continue reading Starting the new year in good hands